Step 10

This Thought brings me to step ten.

What thought? The thought that the Big Book Promises “will always materialize if I work for them”.

Which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any NEW mistakes as we go along.

Personal Inventory: Nightly Review, a Written Inventory, Mental Awareness throughout the day, immediate amends when aware, an open mind to others telling me of the mistakes that I’m making, not becoming defensive, but becoming able to step back and continue to take a good hard look at column four, where had I been wrong, in all of my mistakes. Where my defects of character are flaring up. Where my attitudes and behaviors are creating unfavorable conditions in my life and the lives of others, and where I can see those consequences occurring.

I vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past.

So I start to do Step 10 at the same time that I start to make amends from my ninth step amends list, I have to because amends from the list can take some time, and waiting to get started on step 10 is not an option. This is a life or death disease and I have to make a decision if I’m going to even have a slim chance at this.

I have entered into the world of the spirit.

As I commence to do this work, honestly with an open mind, I become more and more willing to go through the process, little by slowly, the sunlight of the spirit gets brighter in my life. Miracles becoming more and more apparent to me. My awareness of myself and of others attitudes and behaviors, the causes of them and the conditions they create, helps to me to slowly recreate my life to become more and more in tune with what my vision for God’s will for me is.

My Next Function is to Grow in Understanding and Effectiveness.

Understanding and Effectiveness of what? Everything. ‘The more that I see, the more I become able to see’. As each new door opens; it’s as if I walk into a new world filled with both opportunities and lessons to be learned. I must grow in understanding of my creator, because my higher power, God as I Understand Him Today, is the only reason why I am sober and equally important, internally happy.

This is not an over night matter.

This is important for me to know and understand because too many times I want instant results and have too many expectations about how those results should look. I’ve had the opportunity to watch newly recovered alcoholics fail to enlarge upon their personal spiritual growth and fall from God’s Grace. I have seen this happen within my own life as well. And need to constantly do these things to have it remain.

It should continue for my lifetime.

(So much for One Day at a Time.) This is a lifetime process, that slowly gets better over my entire life, not just at meetings, but in all of my affairs. The betterment of myself through inventory, prayer and meditation, is the gratitude of all life has to offer and my interactions with them.

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

I must be willing to be awake throughout my day. Being armed with the facts about myself through my initial 4^th step inventory, I know more about what makes me tick and what negative character traits I’m prone to exhibiting, being close to people on this path helps me to remain accountable and willing to look at these less appealing aspects everyday, and as I do they become less and less profound. 

When these crop up, (and they surely will), I ask God at once to remove them.

I will not be struck pure by reading a book, by attending any meeting, by listening to a speaker at the podium or even by doing these steps. I will continue to be selfish, dishonest, get resentments and have fears. To some extent these are natural elements of being a human being. To the extent of an alcoholic, like myself, they’ve become a very unnatural and disruptive part of my life. Throughout my day I must be aware and continue to grow in that awareness forever sharpening my pencil to get better at seeing these tendencies and speaking with God about them.

I discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if I have harmed anyone.

If no one is available, I must speak with God, this is ultimately why I’m working daily on building my relationship with him. I must also allow others on this path in on my doings, so that I may become and remain accountable for my attitudes and behaviors. My willingness to do this will manifest itself in my actions. Immediate sincere amends is slowly becoming a knee-jerk reaction for harms done when I’m awake.

Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

I’m most awake when I’m selfless and thinking of others. Constant thought of others is paramount if I’m going to continue to grow and stay sober. Saying I’m sorry and not following up with an action proves to me that I am not. Having gratitude and not being of service, means to me that I am not. The more I work with others, the more I feel as though I am paying back to the universe for all of the selfishness I have been. The more I work with, and help others, the more grateful I become.

Love and tolerance of others is our code.

I can see just how sober I really am by the level I can love and/or tolerate others. By how selfish I am behaving. Do I have compassion today? Can I take myself off the top of the page today? Or at any time that it’s needed, when someone else needs my attention? This is my sobriety-meter, or spirituality-meter.

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone – even alcohol.

Have I ceased fight anything or anyone? Or do I still try and push my will and my way through others? Having true faith in God’s will and direction tells me that he will speak through his children that I meet along my travels. Now being aware of this, do I listen? Can I step back when someone else is speaking? Can I step up when someone is ready to hear?

For by this time sanity will have returned.

This must mean that I was insane before reaching this point. How many in AA’s are still insane? Am I still insane? I will need to continue for a lifetime, then yes, I am still insane, however the more I enlarge upon my spiritual growth, the less insane I will be. The moment I let up on my spiritual program of recovery, I will return to insanity and then to alcohol to relieve me of my insanity.

I will seldom be interested in liquor.

Notice that it doesn’t say NEVER. The alcohol obsession will be removed based on my disciplines, on a daily reprieve. Although here we are speaking of alcohol primarily, this area applies to just about everything that I struggle with in having a moral transformation.

If tempted, I recoil from it as from a hot flame.

I may from time to time, be in a place where there is mention of alcohol, unarmed with my spiritual growth in the day, may have a minor mental obsession begin, a subtle interest. If I’m not spiritually empty, I may agree to the thoughts and continue to obsess until a physical manifestation of my thinking occurs - anxiety. At which time I need to physically remove myself from my surroundings until I can speak with someone who understands.

We react sanely and normally, and we find that this has happened automatically.

My gratitude is an intricate part of my spirituality and keeps me moving on a spiritual path. The more I grow spiritually, the more normal I behave in most situations. I become more and more sane, slowly over time, and this does become more of an innate function, happening without consciously having to be directed or forced.

We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given to us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes!

Mostly, I am happy for those who can drink respectfully. I don’t wish to be one of them anymore. I know who and what I am. I know what I’ve been through. I can see the difference between apples and oranges today. I am grateful for the new life I have and the happiness within it. I am clear on what God is to me, and the miracles He produces in my life. God is the sole reason I have no need for alcohol today.

That is the miracle of it.

Am I able to see the miracle of this profound change on my own at this point?  And how about the miracles occurring all around me, both in my life both in and outside of AA? A total 100% belief in God means that I believe in God’s power not only for my own sobriety, but also in all aspects of my life including money, love, vocation, etc.

I am not fighting it, neither am I avoiding temptation.

Am I struggling with temptation in any area of my life today? With alcohol being the primary concern, there are several other factors that I need to remain consciously aware of, all of which could mean a direct assault on my sanity.

I feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected.

Today is fine. The moment I take sides, it isn’t. If I remain neutral and detached when others choose to live in chaos and drama, I can remain unaffected and may even have my awareness to these types of situations enhanced through their example. My faith in God carries me through fearful situations with comfort in knowing that if I am doing God’s will for me in my life, that I will walk safe and protected through my fears in order to complete the task He has for me to do.

I have not sworn off. Instead the problem has been removed.

Do I need to struggle with my attempt to not drink, or has this process removed the obsession from me? Since the problem starts in my brain, the issue is for me, that I must remove my brain from the chain of command. Who then would be fit to run the show? By letting go of the helm and letting God steer the ship I’m no longer sailing cross current and suddenly everything seems to go evenly and smoothly, more so than when I was trying to run the show and living in fear.

It does not exist for me.

At the point where I can feel God working in almost all aspects of my life is when I feel that no problems exist for me. Does it stay this way? Not for long. Before long my thinking mind wants to get into the game and run the show, or at least one of the acts, again. Invariably messing something up. Thinking with my heart and not my head removes the problem. At the point and to the extent that this can occur, I can be recovered.

I am neither cocky nor am I afraid.

Being overly assured or fearful is a sure sign to me that I am losing a conscious contact with God in my life and need to redouble my efforts to get back on the horse. I know, by simply watching others who don’t, and by looking at my past, that I am in deep trouble if I don’t.

That is my experience.

The experience with this process of others is how I learn how to proceed in my work. Therefore I must be open minded and willing to do what others have done in order to succeed in my own work. The more I stop thinking about taking action, and actually take action, is the degree I will have my own experience with this process and have something of real value to offer to others ready to take direction.

That is how I react so long as I keep in fit spiritual condition.

How do I react to what life is handing me today? Am I full of terror, frustration, bewilderment and despair? When I’m living in a God Consciousness, not only is there no thought, obsession or longing for alcohol, but other spree ‘problems’ become more noticeable and avoided as well. When I’m in fit spiritual condition, I’m aware that I’m acting selfless, that I’m acting responsible, that I’m right minded, and right tempered.

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on my laurels.

This is the most important sentence in the entire book for me, when it comes to the real world application of these principals. My tendency is to become lazy and mechanically behave in a mindless fashion. Without paying any attention to my behaviors and attitudes, until I suffer an uncomfortable consequence, that awakens me from my daze. This can happen at any point of the process to anyone on this path. I must remain diligent to its existence, and be willing to pick up on it immediately when it occurs.

I am headed for trouble if I do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.

In working with others, and also from my own personal experiences, I can witness and identify where thinking that my previous work is going to be the end all - be all to my spiritual growth, has proven to be insufficient. It’s almost as if my spiritual gas tank has a slow and steady leak that cannot be patched. I must continue to fill the gas tank on a consistent basis if I am to keep moving ahead on this road.

I am not cured of alcoholism.

A cure is a permanent eradication. Alcoholism is a permanent moral and spiritual dilemma that needs to be continuously enlarged upon. Recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body is only a daily reprieve based solely on my spiritual condition for that day, which is based only on the amount of action I place into my spiritual condition on that day. My sobriety relies on the constant thought of others and where I can be helpful.

What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

What does Contingent mean? That either I do this or lose it. A reprieve is granted. By something or someone with the power to do so. God. What am I doing to maintain my Spiritual Condition today? If this is a daily reprieve given to me by God, then I only have today to do what I need to do in order to be good with myself, my creator and the world around me.

Everyday is a day when I must carry the vision of God’s will into all my activities.

This is part of maintaining my Spiritual Condition. By remaining spiritually aware, conscious to the role God plays in my life (as the Director) and in the lives of those around me, as well as the role that I play in my life with God (as the Actor) I can take direction towards where the Spirit moves me, and carry God’s intension and work into my all activities, trusting in Him that He will make all things right.

How can I best Serve Thee? – Thy Will, Not Mine – Be Done. These are thoughts that must go with us constantly.

As I once was selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and fearful, I must now act selfless, honest, helpful and fearless. When I’m doing this for the intension of God’s will, and with God as my employer, I can succeed at these things that He wants me to accomplish for Him. I must remember to do this all throughout my day in order to remain in fit spiritual condition.

I can exercise my will power along this line all I wish. It is the proper use of the will.

At this point I get my will back – but in a new capacity. For it’s proper use, and not that for which I used it before. If I do, I find that my old use of the will (for selfish means) brings uncertain consequences quickly. With my will aligned with what I feel God’s will for me is, brings me closer to my creator and happier in all of my affairs.

Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power.

This is the answer to my dilemma. I lacked all of these things in coming into the fellowship. I am powerless. Trying to do things on my own in the beginning, I found that I didn’t have any of them the way I thought I did. I found that I needed to come into the program and start developing a relationship with God. Then and only then, I started to receive the strength, inspiration and direction I needed to live a happy and useful life. A life beyond my wildest dreams.

If I have carefully followed directions, I have begun to sense the flow of His spirit into me.

I’m not perfect nor do I claim to be, nor do I try to be. I am a human being and by nature I was created by God perfectly imperfect. In carefully following directions, honestly doing my best is all that is needed to make a start and to make progress. This is a process that I will be doing, and a line I will be growing along for the rest of my life and with God’s Grace I will be able to continue to enlarge and correct as I grow. With each effort I make, I feel the Spirit enter my heart. With each effort I make, I feel my willingness to take more action grow. Proper Action Really is Spirituality Compounded.

To some extent I have become God-Conscious.

God either is everything or He is nothing. What will I make a decision to believe? Remembering that whether I decide to believe something that is real or not real doesn’t make it so. Have I found tangibility in a belief in God within my life and within the lives of those I have witnessed being saved both in and out of AA? Constantly growing in my understanding of God and His existence within my life, trying to enlarge upon that connection and to do His will in all of my affairs is the cornerstone of my sobriety.

We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense.

Intuitively knowing how to handle situations that use to baffle me. This doesn’t come from my broken thinker; instead it comes from my direct connection with God (to the extent that I don’t block Him from me). I can know better than to disregard the feeling I get in my solar plexus because it doesn’t align with the ideas and expectations that I had envisioned. This is what I used to do. Today I can live in a God Directed manner and take each day as it comes to me, not having to fear and struggle because I’m forcing things to happen.

But we must go further and that means more action.

What a great way to end the tenth step. Of course there is more work to be done, if this promise is to continue for the rest of my life, and their only based on the effort I perform each day to move towards it’s direction, never attainment, then I must commence to perform this work for rest of my life as well, or for as long as I wish to receive God’s Grace within my life. Why would I even consider giving this back? I would have to be insane to even think that. But I
have.

So I know that I am.